I’ve been rediscovering the joy of porridge recently. A hearty serving of microwaved oats for breakfast really hits the spot, and I find I’m not really hungry at lunchtime, an amazing feat in my book. Of course, lunchtime is often about an hour and a half after breakfast, but that’s OK.

Tonight, I needed a quick snack, and all that was available was some peanut butter, the oats, and some sundried tomatoes. Putting two and two together, I mentally came up with peanut butter oats with sundried tomato garnish, but I wasn’t game to actually try it. Maybe next time.

Instead, I found another option. An option too terrible for regular weakling humans to contemplate. Contrary to Darryn’s frequently-stated opinion, I’m not a softcock. Oh no. Watch this:

Oats With Pepsi Max

Looking for a tasty snack? Look no further than the fridge for this sweet, tasty and perky dessert.

Ingredients:

• 1/3 cup of Oats (I use Uncle Toby’s Traditional Oats, I like ’em chunky)
• 1/3 cup of Pepsi Max
• 1 capful vanilla flavour (fake) (optional)

Directions:

Pour ingredients into bowl, and mix well with a teaspoon.

Microwave for 1:30 if feeling particularly adventurous (untested).

Sweetening is unnecessary, the Pepsi Max brings the sweet (and then some).

Presentation:

Simply serve and eat, to the amazement and disgust of your girlfriend/partner/significant pet. The more you can maintain a straight face and ignore their squeals of horror, the better.